You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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