I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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