Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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