so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
