Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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