he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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