I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
