nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
