My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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