I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
