I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
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