just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
