my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
