i already hear my dad disowning me
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
