I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
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We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
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His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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