I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
