i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
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I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
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I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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