onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
