i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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