I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
