at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
