I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize