Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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