My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
