I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
