My entire life is one complicated drinking game
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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