I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
birth control should be required to get into college
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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