You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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