so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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