apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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