Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?â€
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
