had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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