Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Randomize
