ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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