you traded sex for a burrito?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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