new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
