When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
