how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
