I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
