Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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