Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
