I skipped work to stalk him.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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