im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
