Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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