I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
