Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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