i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
