im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Houston, we have a squirter
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
