I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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