Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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