oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Randomize
