Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
