she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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