I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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