It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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