you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
