Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
All the doctor said was why
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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