Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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