Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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