I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
