Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
