i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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