I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Randomize
