Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
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They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
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You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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