im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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