she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
50% drunk capacity currently
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
