Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
