Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
