A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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