On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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