I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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