You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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