True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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